Self shooting. Enjoy

trueself.

A slow melody moves me, distracting me from all my surroundings. As the candles burn painting the dark walls with light, the melody flowing. I close my eyes and look back a year from now, and I was still doing the same thing as today... but everything has changed, Im still me... but Im not the same person.

Rod's wish list.

My beautiful friend Zahira did a wish list on her blog, so I just needed to do one.. haha I feel like such a copy cat. So, here it goes;
-To grow each day more and more as a person
-To accept changes easier.
-To understand that it gets hard 'cause sooner it well get easier.
-To find better jobs, more and more.
-To concentrate each day a little bit more in the things that matter, and forget those that don't.
-To feel less attracted to assholes.
-To get as fit as a rock.
-Finish school.
-Start in a great college.
-Move to LA.
-To fight on my own, for what I want without crashing as hard.
-To disappear from the world for a short period of time, to relax, and forget about everything.
-To paint a mural
-To keep filming great films.
-To watch my brother grow as a man (he is only four haha)
-To go to Tamboo and have a drink while I glance at the beach and the sand at night.
-To sing with my grandma.
-To dance with the Himets.
-To walk down the streets of Santurce alone, so that I can look at the people that walk close to me.
-To eat frozen yogurt from "The Fruttery"with my cousin. (best yogurt in the world!)

Hahah.. I miss my island a lot, I miss the people that actually care, the people that I care for :)
But you know what.. I have grown, Im not the same person I was when I came here, and for that Im happy. Everything happens for a reason.

Pasajero.

Cerraba los ojos buscando fuerzas para marcar el teléfono, pero no podía, sus manos le temblaban y su piel sudaba. No comprendía el porqué de la situación. Decidió dormir y dejar que Morfeo lo arrastrara entre las cobijas sacándole el jugo del sistema. Entonces la vio. Caminando por la orilla del lago, la vio reír. La vio llorar en su carro mientras la abrazaba secando cada lágrima de su frágil figura. La vio a su lado en su cama desnuda, riéndose porque junto a el no sentía vergüenza alguna. La vio irse, despegarse de sus manos miles de millas a distancia. La vio diciendo su ultimo adiós mientras una lágrima pintaba sus mejillas. Se vio a el mismo llorando porque sabía que nunca sería lo mismo, porque no entendía como podía haber amado a una mujer en tan poco tiempo, como a nadie antes había sentido, y no entendía el porque se tenía que ir tan rápido.

Se levantó con el sonido de la puerta, su nueva amada había llegado y aunque el sabía que su precia era pura rutina, le beso los labios.

Al otro lado del mundo, una chica joven mira su teléfono y escribe, "Felicidades, hoy hace un año te conocí por primera vez". Sonríe y cierra su teléfono. Sube la vista y frente a ella un hombre, sabe que en realidad es difícil que con el algo funcione porque como todos, este es inseguro, pero le besa sus labios. Porque más que nada sabe, que el pasado es pasado, y lo que pasó es tan irrelevante como polvo en el viento.

-This is a story I wrote some time ago, to a lot of people it might seem sad, but it really isn't.

Little drops of me.

After long hours of signing Robi Draco Rosa,
painting with my new oil paints.
"We learn how to get out of the desert,
when we admit we are in one" -Me ;)

While I get ready to watch "The kids are all right"
I've decided that I waste to much time thinking in the "what ifs"
But the truth is, life begins when we let it begin... if I waste to much time thinking it will never start.
I tie myself too much to other peoples emotions, I want to nurser them, try to help them but that can only work if they let me help, so time wasted in that as well. Anyways world... Im gonna watch the movie and distract my head from stupidity... YES Julianne Moore, one of my lesbian crushes, playing a lesbian. :) haha no I'm not a lesbian, but I LOVE this woman's acting... she is one of my idols, what can I say.
Btw, Im a happy person, I love life.. and I'ma sound like a hippy, but I enjoy giving love without waiting anything in return :) and Im always gonna be that way.
Bye bye world. Im gone to do my thing.

Today.

So now Im trying to write daily.
And I might say I haven't done much in my summer vacations, which is BAD BAD BAD BAAAD!
But In a way Im happy 'cause NOW is when everything is gonna start happening. Tomorrow Im gonna pass around SHARP hospital, leave my packet of papers and wait for a response... I really want this job.. I REALLY WANT THIS JOB!!.. and I don't know if its even called a job, 'cause Im not gonna get paid, but its just something that means a lot to me, to give my service to anyone in need at that hospital. Cancer patients are a plus, at least help with my hospitality and try to give joy to others in pain. In the future I would like to help in anyway possible, teen moms and the homeless. When I was a young kid I went to a catholic school and I organized a group to help the homeless, BUT the nuns didn't like the idea of  a group of kids helping old homeless men... so it didn't work. There is a big chance Im gonna be traveling on the train to Los Angeles next week so thats gonna be interesting. Oh and the variety this summer brought me two pregnant friends, not the best news in the world at their ages. What else... well, next week Im filming, and the week after that I have two photo shoots. So I can't complain.

How to stabilize open waters.

This past few week have been in a way... kinda different. From dealing with a new family, to dealing with colleges and my future. Oh, and thats of course without counting my usual relapse feelings about my "past".  Yesterdays of all days I got a huge bitch slap on my face, "If you try to stabilize everySINGLE thing happening in you life, they are all gonna fall out of balance." Fights, discussions without any true meaning, stress without a cause, why? because of my "need" of keeping everything in perfect motion. But the truth, the truth is that everyday will bring you a new surprise, ones that you won't really like to welcome, and others that are perfect. Me? I'm a person who enjoys the simplicity in life. The relaxed but complexed, interesting conversations with a stranger or a long time friend. Tea in the morning to avoid coffee. A text in the morning saying "hi, good morning". Smiles, laughs with no meaning or with all the meaning in the world. Sitting outside of my apartment, feeling the air move around my body. Knowing that soon there will be a new start. Painting the perfect silhouette of a woman. Love, yeah... love, even though I'm not sure  if I've ever been in actual love, yeah, I enjoy the warmth of feeling another person cares, remembers and feels for me as I feel for them. I'm always saying how Im going disappear for at least a year, to LIVE and then come back a different stronger person, but won't that be running from the reality that pulls me together? Probably, You can't really disappear from a world thats constantly moving unless your dead. I don't wanna be dead! My goal is to grow everyday, more and more, and to learn, not to die... but to be born.

La complicidad.

La complicidad es un mar que cautiva a todas las mentes. La complicidad es un "dolor de cabezas". Quizás es el puro masoquismo interno, que aunque sea tapado en paños es obio a los ojos del ciego. Pero alfinal de todo, somos nosotros los únicos que escogemos que caminos coger. El más facil quizás a la larga se convierta en el más complejo y vise versa. Pero entonces, ¿Qué debemos hacer? Por lo menos yo, me lanzaré a un mar, con los ojos bajo venda y dejar que las aguas me dirijan por el camino "correcto". "Go with the flow" a great friend of mine always says, and you know what... 99.9% of the time her words are useful. 

Welcome to my blog. 

Enjoy my first. Sorry for those who can't speak spanish, my next post will be in english ;)