Little drops of me.

After long hours of signing Robi Draco Rosa,
painting with my new oil paints.
"We learn how to get out of the desert,
when we admit we are in one" -Me ;)

While I get ready to watch "The kids are all right"
I've decided that I waste to much time thinking in the "what ifs"
But the truth is, life begins when we let it begin... if I waste to much time thinking it will never start.
I tie myself too much to other peoples emotions, I want to nurser them, try to help them but that can only work if they let me help, so time wasted in that as well. Anyways world... Im gonna watch the movie and distract my head from stupidity... YES Julianne Moore, one of my lesbian crushes, playing a lesbian. :) haha no I'm not a lesbian, but I LOVE this woman's acting... she is one of my idols, what can I say.
Btw, Im a happy person, I love life.. and I'ma sound like a hippy, but I enjoy giving love without waiting anything in return :) and Im always gonna be that way.
Bye bye world. Im gone to do my thing.

Today.

So now Im trying to write daily.
And I might say I haven't done much in my summer vacations, which is BAD BAD BAD BAAAD!
But In a way Im happy 'cause NOW is when everything is gonna start happening. Tomorrow Im gonna pass around SHARP hospital, leave my packet of papers and wait for a response... I really want this job.. I REALLY WANT THIS JOB!!.. and I don't know if its even called a job, 'cause Im not gonna get paid, but its just something that means a lot to me, to give my service to anyone in need at that hospital. Cancer patients are a plus, at least help with my hospitality and try to give joy to others in pain. In the future I would like to help in anyway possible, teen moms and the homeless. When I was a young kid I went to a catholic school and I organized a group to help the homeless, BUT the nuns didn't like the idea of  a group of kids helping old homeless men... so it didn't work. There is a big chance Im gonna be traveling on the train to Los Angeles next week so thats gonna be interesting. Oh and the variety this summer brought me two pregnant friends, not the best news in the world at their ages. What else... well, next week Im filming, and the week after that I have two photo shoots. So I can't complain.

How to stabilize open waters.

This past few week have been in a way... kinda different. From dealing with a new family, to dealing with colleges and my future. Oh, and thats of course without counting my usual relapse feelings about my "past".  Yesterdays of all days I got a huge bitch slap on my face, "If you try to stabilize everySINGLE thing happening in you life, they are all gonna fall out of balance." Fights, discussions without any true meaning, stress without a cause, why? because of my "need" of keeping everything in perfect motion. But the truth, the truth is that everyday will bring you a new surprise, ones that you won't really like to welcome, and others that are perfect. Me? I'm a person who enjoys the simplicity in life. The relaxed but complexed, interesting conversations with a stranger or a long time friend. Tea in the morning to avoid coffee. A text in the morning saying "hi, good morning". Smiles, laughs with no meaning or with all the meaning in the world. Sitting outside of my apartment, feeling the air move around my body. Knowing that soon there will be a new start. Painting the perfect silhouette of a woman. Love, yeah... love, even though I'm not sure  if I've ever been in actual love, yeah, I enjoy the warmth of feeling another person cares, remembers and feels for me as I feel for them. I'm always saying how Im going disappear for at least a year, to LIVE and then come back a different stronger person, but won't that be running from the reality that pulls me together? Probably, You can't really disappear from a world thats constantly moving unless your dead. I don't wanna be dead! My goal is to grow everyday, more and more, and to learn, not to die... but to be born.

La complicidad.

La complicidad es un mar que cautiva a todas las mentes. La complicidad es un "dolor de cabezas". Quizás es el puro masoquismo interno, que aunque sea tapado en paños es obio a los ojos del ciego. Pero alfinal de todo, somos nosotros los únicos que escogemos que caminos coger. El más facil quizás a la larga se convierta en el más complejo y vise versa. Pero entonces, ¿Qué debemos hacer? Por lo menos yo, me lanzaré a un mar, con los ojos bajo venda y dejar que las aguas me dirijan por el camino "correcto". "Go with the flow" a great friend of mine always says, and you know what... 99.9% of the time her words are useful. 

Welcome to my blog. 

Enjoy my first. Sorry for those who can't speak spanish, my next post will be in english ;)